Blue Mom Journey

Comparte

In the 1950s, the term “refrigerator moms” was coined by Leo Kanner to describe parents of children with autism. It was a label that hurt deeply, implying that these parents were emotionally cold and distant. Over time, this term has been challenged and discredited, as we now know autism has a genetic basis. But sadly, for many of us “blue moms” (blue as it is the color associated with supporting people with autism or their families), that perception of being cold and lacking warmth still lingers in society. People don’t understand what it’s like to live with and love a child with autism.

I can’t tell you what every parent of an autistic child goes through because each of our journeys is unique. Autism is a broad spectrum, and every child’s needs are different. My little prince, as I call him, has autism, and it is within the spectrum. He is non-verbal yet brilliant, with a high IQ. We blue moms share a common experience—the emotional rollercoaster that requires us to find unimaginable reserves of strength, patience, and compassion. The hardest part? It’s not about understanding our children because we love them deeply. It’s about having compassion for the ignorance of others who think they know what’s best.

My story is simple, yet it’s also long and winding. After being told for 11 years that I couldn’t have children, and after dedicating myself to working in social services, I decided to adopt. But just as I began the adoption process, something shifted within me—maybe I had let go of some karma, or perhaps it was simply fate. I felt it—that tiny heartbeat inside me. I knew it was my son before I even knew his gender and his name.

The pregnancy was a magical time—filled with cravings for Italian food and apple cinnamon tea. I was cautious after those long years of waiting, but I was also filled with joy. The day he was born, the delivery room was full of laughter. I had scribbled a playful message on my enormous belly: “Get me out of here!” Even the doctors couldn’t help but laugh. I remember seeing his tiny hands and eyes and feeling an overwhelming sense of purpose. This little one was entrusted to me, and my job was to love and protect him.

His name means “beloved by the people,” and that’s exactly who he is—pure love. He radiates a warmth that embraces everyone around him. But as time went on, the nursery started calling. They said things weren’t right and that he was different. They questioned our efforts and our choices.

Contrary to their judgment, we were willing to do anything for our son—to give him the best. The comments we faced were unfair. People asked why we were investing in his education if he might never be “functional.” They questioned our parenting choices without ever seeing the meltdowns, the exhaustion, the emotional toll—the guilt of feeling drained because, after all, this is your child, your everything. People asked what beautiful conversations we had with him, not understanding that his words come in touches and smiles, in the repetition of sounds and gestures. And every time you hear them, your soul shatters into little pieces. You withhold screams and wish you could shake them and tell them what it feels when you listen to their comments and hear them believe that they know best and that you are not doing enough. 

This, my friends, is just the tip of the iceberg; however, I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world because this journey opened my heart. It has made me understand the struggles of others, helped me connect with mothers facing similar challenges, and made me more compassionate. I live love through my love for him.

Sharing my story isn’t easy, and I know my words can’t always capture the depth of my feelings. But this is the beginning of a process for me—a way to open up, to be heard. So, the next time you meet a “blue mom,” remember that our journey, though different, isn’t so unlike your own as a parent. It’s a journey of love, resilience, and hope.

Suscríbete

Y mantente al día de contenido interesante

Más publicaciones

new beginnings
Blog

New beginnings

It’s been a while since I last wrote a few lines, and a lot of water has passed under the bridge! Many great changes have been taking place. There have been so many new opportunities, things I have been building in various ways. I started a path of transformation a few years ago that is taking me to a very different place of growth and learning, something I couldn’t resist. I must say that my family and I are on the verge of a new adventure, a scary but rewarding, long-sought and desired one, a major change! Of course, it is at times terrifying to leave everything you have built and worked for behind, especially when one is no spring chicken anymore. But then again, that strange force driving the transformational process in my life is pulling me. Strangely, that was something I didn’t believe in before; I was skeptical of the strength the universe has once you are committed, ready, and wholeheartedly working for your purpose. It seems as if every bit of what you feel, think, and do is aligned, or as it is said, it’s all coherent. As a family, we recently decided to take on a new and greater challenge, one that led us to cross the ocean. Once more, we found ourselves embarking on a new journey, one that makes sense, that fills the heart, that is aligned with what we have been working, studying, and preparing for, one that many call the pursuit of a dream. Again, we find ourselves in new lands, this time not only hoping that things will be better but knowing so! After 11 years, actually a bit more considering a break, I ended my long fruitful career in a great company, one that gave me so much. I learned greatly about the corporate world; it gave me a whole lot of challenging opportunities which I have to say I took on every single one of them head on and stretched my experience enormously. For that, I am utterly grateful. I learned a lot about people as well; it gave me discipline, commitment, perseverance, and patience. It never gave me quiet and peace; there was never a moment of stillness. It was a storm of changes, so adaptability has become part of my DNA. It was a marvelous ride, a journey full of wonderful failures and achievements, discoveries, and mind-stretching. I am deeply grateful for having been part of Pearson for so many years. Now, all that accumulated set of tools, earnings, and experiences are taking me to a personal project that comes to be the awakening of a long journey, a discovery that has appeared at the right time. I am building my dream alongside my family. I am truly happy, satisfied, at peace, and excited that it is happening. I have been meeting great people who have come to add a lot more to this new stage, people who are in tune with my ideals, incredibly aligned. In this new path, I have discovered new skills and competencies that are coming in handy. I am putting together years of knowledge, learnings, and transformation. One thing is clear: contributing, helping, and adding is at the core of my new project. My first book has already been released, the second is on its way. Teaching is again my old great friend. I am extending my ideas beyond the borders that gave me shelter for eleven years. Many new projects are underway ahead of schedule. It is exciting! This new journey is one full of grace. La Chinita is there to guide, to lead the way. It is filled with excitement, fear, certainty, vision, and strength. I am sure many things will come our way, challenges and more transformation. We are ready and committed to continue building what we started where it all began and to add new places, people, hard work, love, and achievements. It’s on! Ha pasado un tiempo desde la última vez que escribí unas líneas, ¡mucho ha pasado! Han ocurrido muchos cambios maravillosos. Han surgido tantas nuevas oportunidades, cosas que he estado construyendo de diversas maneras. Comencé un camino de transformación hace unos años que me está llevando a un lugar muy diferente de crecimiento y aprendizaje, algo a lo que no pude resistirme. Debo decir que mi familia y yo estamos al borde de una nueva aventura, una aventura aterradora pero gratificante, buscada y deseada desde hace mucho, ¡un gran cambio! Por supuesto, a veces es aterrador dejar atrás todo lo que has construido y por lo que has trabajado, especialmente cuando ya no eres tan joven. Pero, de nuevo, esa extraña fuerza que está impulsando el proceso de transformación en mi vida me está empujando. Curiosamente, eso era algo en lo que no creía antes; era escéptico de la fuerza que tiene el universo una vez que estás comprometido, listo y trabajando de todo corazón por tu propósito. Parece que cada parte de lo que sientes, piensas y haces está alineada, o como se dice, todo es coherente. Como familia, recientemente decidimos asumir un nuevo y mayor desafío, uno que nos llevó a cruzar el océano. Una vez más, nos encontramos embarcándonos en un nuevo viaje, uno que tiene sentido, que llena el corazón, que está alineado con lo que hemos estado trabajando, estudiando y preparando, uno que muchos llaman la búsqueda de un sueño. Nuevamente, nos encontramos en nuevas tierras, esta vez no solo con la esperanza de que las cosas mejoren, ¡sino sabiendo que así será! Después de 11 años, en realidad un poco más considerando un descanso, terminé mi larga y fructífera carrera en una gran empresa, una que me dio mucho. Aprendí mucho sobre el mundo corporativo; me dio muchas oportunidades desafiantes que debo decir que asumí cada una de ellas de frente y amplié enormemente mi experiencia. Por eso, estoy profundamente agradecido. Aprendí mucho sobre las personas también; me dio disciplina, compromiso, perseverancia y paciencia. Nunca me dio tranquilidad

Blog

The Unfolding Landscape of Self: Navigating Life’s Constant Change

Life is a dynamic, ever-shifting current, a constant wave of change that shapes our existence. Some transformations arrive as gentle ripples, sweet and easily integrated, while others crash upon us with the force of a tempest, initially appearing bitter and challenging. Yet, inherent in this perpetual motion is a potential for growth, a silent promise that even the most difficult shifts ultimately serve our benefit, though the clarity of this purpose often remains veiled in the initial stages. There are times, driven by a desire for new answers or a perceived need for progress, when we attempt to impose change. We strive to force a new direction, a different outcome. However, the nature of profound, meaningful change is rarely one that bends to brute force. It is an organic process, best unfolded naturally and progressively. To aggressively demand transformation, in ourselves or our circumstances, risks not only failure but also the potential for significant damage – the burning of bridges, the erosion of morale, and a deep undermining of our very essence. In our current era, change feels particularly relentless. The refrain to “embrace change” has become a ubiquitous tune, yet the reality is far more complex. Embracing the unknown is rarely simple; it demands considerable time for reflection and a deep understanding of the potential consequences, both seen and unseen. While the adventurous spirit might urge us to leap into the new, we must also cultivate a thick skin to withstand the inevitable friction and apprehension that accompany venturing beyond the familiar, especially when faced with the less-than-rosy narratives about change that often surround us. Each dawn presents us with a subtly altered world, and within that new reality, we make a choice: how much of this difference will we internalize, how much will we allow to reshape us? We seem to live in a state of constant flux, a pervasive need to change that often leaves us little room to pause and question the fundamental “why” behind the imperative. The truth is, the path of change is not a single, universal highway. Some individuals are designed for dramatic metamorphoses, shedding old skins entirely like a snake to emerge renewed. Others may experience a more gradual evolution, like a creature that loses and regrows its claws, adapting and strengthening over time. And then there are those who are meant to find their growth not in radical shifts, but in a steady, persistent journey within their own well-fortified shell, taking one deliberate step at a time, much like a steadfast turtle. This diversity in navigating change becomes especially apparent when observing the lives around us. We see educators questioning how to ascend, strangers yearning to leave a mark or simply be heard, writers pondering why their words haven’t yet captured widespread attention. There’s a palpable sense that change, often equated with external achievement or recognition, is the only valid form of progress. Undeniably, personal growth often necessitates change. However, it is crucial to recognize that the absence of overt, dramatic change in someone’s life is not a sign of stagnation or failure. It is perfectly acceptable, even necessary for some, to maintain a steady course. We are rarely privy to the full tapestry of another’s circumstances, the intricate web of reasons that inform their decisions about evolution. Ultimately, the most authentic path through life’s changes is one guided by self-awareness and conviction. Be true to who you are. Listen intently to your own inner voice amidst the clamor of external expectations. Walk with confidence in the decisions you make regarding your own journey of change, recognizing that your path, whatever its pace or direction, is uniquely yours and inherently valid.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *