Legacy

04:05, again I wake up thinking, my brain doesn’t stop spinning around, going back to one thought that I believed it wasn´t bothering me. It has been 8 months since I left my former home to start a new journey, one that I thought was life changing, and of course it is, what I never expected even though I knew it wasn´t going to be easy, it is how hard time and distance can be. You must be wondering, what is it I am saying. Let me explain myself better. I started a family project 4 years ago, one that filled our hearts with love, smiles and hope, but the kind of positive hope grounded in reality. We started supporting this group of amazing kids from a children’s home as a family. An experience that has left a beautiful experience, for four years every month we would go and not only spend time with them, but created a strong close familiar bond, we got to know each one, their hopes and dreams, their needs and fears, their looks and faces, we learned what they lack, their strengths, we made a unique connection, one that only happens when openness, love, and real care for someone else’s wellbeing comes first. In return, they offered their sincere smiles, laughter, and love in their unique ways, they gave us true unspoken love. But life as it is, never stops changing, and it offered my family and I an opportunity to start over, away from the place that kept us warm and safe for eleven years, five thousand four hundred and eighteen miles away. We as a family are true believers in transformation, and we are certain that it was the right move. Much has happened since we arrived at this new land, it has been a roller coaster of emotions and situations however, we are at peace and happy, except for one little thing. The time and distance between our kids and my family has grown way too much, much contact has been lost, too many  smiles, and looks we are missing, they are growing fast and we haven’t been able to continue our work, we haven’t been able to contribute to their growth as we did before, constant presence is a huge challenge, my visits now have become scares, once, twice or three times in 8 months. I question myself, I wonder if its worthy, If its fair to them, two girls graduated from high school, one, whose story shocked my family’s world and we promised to help her out of the dark she was in, just turned eighteen and left for good, she left with her sister and her father, and we haven’t heard from her in two months already . Sometimes time hurts, not because it is its fault, it is because it goes by and we can go back and redo things, part of life. We must learn to accept it however conscious you are. The other girl who just graduated is still at the home but God knows for how long, it is a constant thought knowing that she too will depart and we won’t be able to say goodbye again, it will be the perhaps the sixth time we learn another child is  gone away and we won’t be able to help no more. Distance of course doesn’t help either, too many miles in between to stay close, to visit regularly as we used to, too far to be present. Distance also hurts, there is one memory that does not escape mi mind, and I am sure is the result of time and distance, one of the girls pushed me away last time I could visit them, she closed her heart and created a bridge between us, she was close, she was learning to open up to me, she  was showing her emotions, and felt free to talk about it, she was making progress, and all of a sudden, back to square one, locked up inside herself, at least with me. It is a painful memory, it hurts, I do not know what to think, do or say. I can’t help to think that somehow, we are fading away, I only hope that we did with them stays in their memories, my only hope is that the connection we built help them remember the work we did together and this leads to guiding them in the right path. Silver lining, two years ago, one of the girls turned eighteen, had to leave the home, moved on to another one, smaller, funded and sponsored by a wonderful family, we lost contact for a long time, she showed up for Christmas, she is now independent, working, I am about to go back for work and so eager and excited to get to meet her, hold her again and try to rebuild our connection to her now that she is independent. Regardless of time and distance my promise stays untouched, I am resolved to keep pushing, even for one, if it is what is left of them in the end. My promise is not to let time and distance stand between us, despite these I will continue to offer, give and provide my knowledge, experience, warmth and love to those kids. My pledge to them is to conquer time and distance to let them know that we care that they are important to us, that they matter, they are unique and worthy of the best things in life, they deserve love and care, joy and happiness, they deserve to be happy and to have a good life.

We spend every day caught up in a hustle that blocks out what is out there; we live in the rush of sorting out life itself, and rarely do we pause to look around and notice what is happening around us or to us. It seems unbelievable how deeply we are immersed in our own lives, in our own pettiness and self-compassion, looking inward and trying to end the day with a single smile, forgetting or dismissing our surroundings. I wouldn’t dare to judge whether this is a conscious act or a choice, a forgetful execution or simply a push toward oblivion. I suppose that is something each of us must carry and decide what to do with. Empathy seems to be a scarce asset these days; it feels as if the faster life goes by, the harder it becomes to be empathetic. How? We have become such busy creatures, submerged in social media, wishing for the things that people post that happiness, that car, that body. We have learned to live online emotions, desires, hopes, and dreams, so that our actual humanity is now fading and placed second. Becoming fashionable, trendy, getting followers, selling ourselves has become the norm. We even dare to post the help we provide, when it should be a selfless act. I have done it myself, telling myself it is a way to attract more help. I am not certain if that has worked at all; I just feel we are being dehumanized to the point that even the selfless act of truly helping others in exchange for nothing has become a trade for likes. There are wars going on, there are children dying, families torn apart, real suffering and it seems so far away, so unimportant. I don’t know if what I expect is for people to get their act together and return to values and principles, or simply that they care in some way. I myself am one of the millions of people affected by the evil that is loose and rampaging around the world, and I have experienced the lack of empathy firsthand. I once heard someone say that what happened in my country is the result of our own doing, despite the millions of displaced people, almost nine million to date. I don’t think all of us chose it. I once heard a young woman from a neighboring country say, “I am fed up with your people in my country,” not knowing that we received almost five million of her fellow citizens forty years ago due to the drug cartels and guerrilla warfare that overtook her country. In the end, we may or may not choose, collect, or be collateral damage for the wrongdoings of a few, or of many. However, it is up to each one of us to stop and try to see life every now and then through the lens of our neighbor, friends, acquaintances, family—for we don’t know when life will strike us down and we will long for that little attention, word, handshake, hug, look, or smile that will boost our morale and give us the necessary push to carry on our fight and conquer life again.