El Rincon del Viej `
El Rinco
El Rincon del Viejo
Soft Spot
Probably if you are from my generation (X 1965-1979) you’d acknowledge the fact that our upbringing was immensely different from recent generations. We were taught to be strong, to swallow whole, to fall and get back up without complaints, that crying was for girls, and that we must above all endure the tyranny of life and move on. In that sense our emotions in many cases suffered, in other cases made us strong, it was sort of the survival of the fittest thing however, the one common fact is that not only for my generation but for many other people being exposed, opened to share your feelings has always been an issue, regarding you as a softy, weak, and vulnerable person. Vulnerability! That word that scares the shit out of us! Just the thought of open to someone, to be exposed, out there in the open subject to God knows what. Ut has been regarded as a negative concept, it’s related to weakness, to embarrassment, to downgrade the self-image and the projection towards others, it seems to be a very bad thing, or is it? Vulnerability has a hidden power, it is an ability that if discovered, if understood as a potential it has the strength to build our character, our relationships with ourselves and others. But of course, the deal breaker is one to understand this idea, then to overcome old paradigms of imposed knowledge, and three the willingness to open up to growing. In order to launch this superpower the first thing that needs to be done is to identify our emotions, to understand what triggers them, to accept that we are imperfect beigns and that we are destined to learn form our mistakes, to be compassionate enough to forgive ourselves for those mistakes and fuckups. Being vulnerable is of course a form of change and as such it is uncomfortable. We must understand that there are three key elements to consider in this concept of vulnerability as it is navigated (shame, loss and values) ; they’re all interconnected, and they all play an important part as we go through the process of openness. One other thing to consider, vulnerability means we put our emotions up front, in the frontline, so we need to understand them, and we must learn how to manage them as well, remember also, they are never alone, when emotions bloom, they never show individually. So, if you dare to be vulnerable if you are willing to grow, to be a better self, a more empowered individual, take these into consideration, but know the most important thing vulnerability can come as a set of great and useful advantages, for instance: it allows you to open to learning, it helps you connect more consciously, it is said that it is the start point for happiness since you learn to accept yourself more, it boosts your creativity since it contributes to manage emotions and that allows you to use your thought process more effectively, it also lets you create better and stronger relationships since opening to acceptance leads to authenticity and this is fundamental to relate better with yourself and others. I guess in the end there’s nothing to lose but much to be gained.
My emotional growth
Looking back into my life I can see how I was miserable for so long, how my raising affected me so much that left a profound crack in my life. I spent many years of my life blaming my dad, my mom, life, God, everyone around me for my misfortune and for all I had to endure, I did not have an easy life, instead mine was full of awful situations, from violence to drugs to deep psychological scars that have lasted forever. Of course, my circumstances led the way my behavior would be measured, that means, I was a victim and left my circumstances empower me to become one poor-self, I had let my misery take over and dictate the road ahead, I followed it for a long long time, hoping something would come and save me, that my path would miraculously change for the better with no sense of responsibility or accountability, I was entitled to my retribution, someone or something had to pay for what life put me through. Little did I know that my life was based on my emotions, on my negativity, the one I had chosen to build my life and revolve around, I was bitter, I was full of resentment, I wasn´t able to let go, move on, change my situations, let alone see the good things happening, for they were there, real, tangible, they were like a drizzle on my face, your face reaction may be of discomfort, but then gradually you start feeling some sort of relief and calm which allows you to enjoy the rest of the rain. It took me a very long time to realize I was living in misery because I chose to, not because someone or something had forced me, little by little something started to awake a sense of ownership, I began to understand that such sensations, feelings, ideas, behaviors were the ones holding me down, it was up to me to choose whether to continue falling further down into the misery pit or to get back on my feet and face life once and for all. It’s been a very long journey, hard, difficult, with so much pain, discomfort, but once I realized that it was only me the one responsible for my own joy, peace, happiness and growth, life has made a turn for the better, easy? Hell no! hard! But rewarding, I have learned to identify what bothers me, what makes me uneasy, what brings me to the edge, those emotions that used to rule my world, I have learned not only to see, identify, pinpoint them, but to make a pause, to think about the cause of that which is bugging me, I wonder if there’s something I can do to change it, I thinks carefully about the real reason, and possible solutions. I take responsibility for whatever actions I can take to change my present and go for it, if it’s out of my control, or my influence then I let go, again, it’s not easy, sometimes I get to ruminate the same thought, but whenever I find myself doing so, I make a conscious effort to change it to a “profitable” idea and I can stop wasting my time and energy on things I can’ and won’t ever control. My learning is based on identifying my emotions, managing what and why they make me feel about things, discarding what is not specifically under my circle of influence or action, I have learned to let go of the past, to overcome the thought of entitlement, no one owes me shit! Not life, not my family, I have gained responsibility for my actions and its consequence, and most importantly I made peace with my past, it’s where it is supposed to be, it is gone and there’s absolutely nothing I can do either to change it or impact it. I focus on today, on my actions, on the things I can deal with, I hate the word CONTROL, but yeah! I can only put my best on those things that are under my control, I learned to look at the bright side of life, there’s always a silver lining, it only takes courage to see it, and yes! I must say I have a wonderful life!
How to deal with the everlasting change!
There’s nothing more comfortable and rewarding than building something, say, life, family, business, work, finances, name it! And keep it there, watch it and hope for that not to disturb you or nothing to disturb its course, have it the same way for a long while as we may focus our attention to a different matter. It’s easy, comfortable, effortless, and it requires no concerns, free of the hustle of preoccupation, why would anyone bother to change that sort of comfort? why would anyone dare to disturb something that has worked before? Why would anyone want to have something different from what has been in place for long and has proven to be of use? Human nature states that we are not built to stay put, to do the same, to have the same, to avoid growth, change, transformation, ever since we exist we have done everything in our power to make everything different, from the way we consume our food to the way we move from one place to another, change, modifications, transformations is in our essence in our DNA. But why is it so difficult to cope with changes? Why is it so hard to move through them? To navigate them? Even to embrace them? It is an irony that changes being part of our lives and having them so deep in our core become something so uncomfortable, something difficult to deal with. Let us try to break down some information that may be of help to learn and understand if not the reality about changes, at least useful tips that may bring some light upon the topic. As we all know, or as we all have heard once, our body seems to be perfect, it works to protect us, the system is built to provide us with the perfect responses for every single aspect during our lifelong physical transformation, of course the brain does not escape this concept, so here is more or less and in very simple words how our wise brain works whenever it faces changes, remember we are talking about the most sophisticated weapon in our arsenal. There’s nothing more comfortable and rewarding than building something, say, life, family, business, work, finances, name it! And keep it there, watch it and hope for that not to disturb you or nothing to disturb its course, have it the same way for a long while as we may focus our attention to a different matter. It’s easy, comfortable, effortless, and it requires no concerns, free of the hustle of preoccupation, why would anyone bother to change that sort of comfort? why would anyone dare to disturb something that has worked before? Why would anyone want to have something different from what has been in place for long and has proven to be of use? Human nature states that we are not built to stay put, to do the same, to have the same, to avoid growth, change, transformation, ever since we exist we have done everything in our power to make everything different, from the way we consume our food to the way we move from one place to another, change, modifications, transformations is in our essence in our DNA. But why is it so difficult to cope with changes? Why is it so hard to move through them? To navigate them? Even to embrace them? It is an irony that changes being part of our lives and having them so deep in our core become something so uncomfortable, something difficult to deal with. Let us try to break down some information that may be of help to learn and understand if not the reality about changes, at least useful tips that may bring some light upon the topic. As we all know, or as we all have heard once, our body seems to be perfect, it works to protect us, the system is built to provide us with the perfect responses for every single aspect during our lifelong physical transformation, of course the brain does not escape this concept, so here is more or less and in very simple words how our wise brain works whenever it faces changes, remember we are talking about the most sophisticated weapon in our arsenal. There are four parts of the brain involved in the understanding of how changes affect us, the first one is called the basal ganglia ,which allows the automatization of tasks saving precious energy in the brain and the body, so when you learn to conduct activities that require coordination and motor skills like driving these ganglia works as a storage for this learning and makes it possible for you to later use it without any conscious process. Secondly, there is the prefrontal cortex which is in charge of dealing with the learning of the new tasks, among other things, the important element in the use of the prefrontal cortex is the use of energy is quite elevated making us feel tired for the use of such amount of energy, then in third place we can call the orbitofrontal cortex responsible for the detection of possible threats to us, so if a stressful situation surrounds us there will a painful response in our body, this cortex is the one that causes pain as part of the human response or defense, and last but not least there is the amygdala, the one related for the flight, fight, freeze response. So whenever the body faces a change, a new task we have never done, something that is perceived as a threat, these brain parts are triggered and of course they do an excellent job, that’s why we experience discomfort, or even pain, the brain is trying to save energy and protect us, and changes are new, unexpected, unknown things we go through. The body knows it, and it would be only fair for us know why organically speaking we reject changes. But the exercise is not only to understand that it is to create awareness of
Enough with the self-sabotage, a tail of transformation
¿Quiénes somos?
Dos colegas y amigos quienes comparten la docencia, el ideal de colaborar, apoyar y ayudar, respondemos a un llamado de conciencia que nos ha despertado la intención consciente y activa de buscar construir desde nuestros conocimientos, y experiencias de vida, un propósito en común que nos dirige, nos da un norte claro y nos anima a emprender este viaje de autodescubrimiento y ayuda a quién necesite encontrar un camino hacia el bien y la paz, y que desee convertirse en replicador de su propio proceso de transformación.
No somos profesionales de la salud mental, ni expertos en psicología moderna, tampoco terapistas, no buscamos evangelizar, convencer ni vender humo. Hablamos y damos desde nuestro conocimiento profesional, personal y experiencias de vida, desde nuestros propios procesos imperfectos y llenos de obstáculos, no vendemos ideas, ni proponemos salidas fáciles o caminos cortos que harán que cambies de un día para otro y desaparezcan los problemas. Creemos firmemente en la disciplina, constancia, esfuerzo, intencionalidad y conciencia de los pensamientos y acciones, y entendemos que nada sucede de la noche a la mañana y que lo que cada individuo experimenta es diferente y que no hay una receta única para alcanzar la grandeza a la que estamos destinados, si realmente lo crees y lo deseas.
¿Qué somos?
Dos colegas y amigos quienes comparten la docencia, el ideal de colaborar, apoyar y ayudar, respondemos a un llamado de conciencia que nos ha despertado la intención consciente y activa de buscar construir desde nuestros conocimientos, y experiencias de vida, un propósito en común que nos dirige, nos da un norte claro y nos anima a emprender este viaje de autodescubrimiento y ayuda a quién necesite encontrar un camino hacia el bien y la paz, y que desee convertirse en replicador de su propio proceso de transformación.
¿Qué no somos?
No somos profesionales de la salud mental, ni expertos en psicología moderna, tampoco terapistas, no buscamos evangelizar, convencer ni vender humo. Hablamos y damos desde nuestro conocimiento profesional, personal y experiencias de vida, desde nuestros propios procesos imperfectos y llenos de obstáculos, no vendemos ideas, ni proponemos salidas fáciles o caminos cortos que harán que cambies de un día para otro y desaparezcan los problemas. Creemos firmemente en la disciplina, constancia, esfuerzo, intencionalidad y conciencia de los pensamientos y acciones, y entendemos que nada sucede de la noche a la mañana y que lo que cada individuo experimenta es diferente y que no hay una receta única para alcanzar la grandeza a la que estamos destinados, si realmente lo crees y lo deseas.
Propósito
Generar conciencia respecto a la transformación del ser hacia la mejora, contribución al bien y a los demás, convertirnos en un catalizador de cambios positivos y así impactar a los demás su crecimiento.
